The talkheaven help us
by flygirl101
Summary: Have you ever wondered what happend when Jeb gave Max, Fang, and Iggy the talk? find out here. and see what happens when they try to give the kids 'the talk'...god help us. FAX later


"God, Max! You can't be serious!" Fang yelled. His black eyes focused on the blonde Avian American. Maximum Ride was many things, the main one being stubborn, so she stared back angrily, trying not to get lost in his eyes…again.

"Yes! And I need you to back me up on this!" she steamed. A sudden gust of wind blew through the clearing that the flock was currently camping in, the wind blew her hair around her face. Fang sucked in a breath at how beautiful she looked. Her brown eyes glared at him, and he had to steel himself not to drown in the chocolate brown pools.

"I just don't understand why I have to help!" he said running a hand through his dark-brown almost black hair. He REALLY didn't want to do this. Last time something like this came up, all three of the older kids ran away. "Do you remember what happened with Jeb?" he asked astounded. He was honestly shocked that she wanted to recount that horrible day…

Flashback. 

"Maximum, Fang, Iggy. You three are the oldest of all of the flock, and you need to learn some. things." he said with some trouble. Max looked at him with boredom already settling on her face. Iggy shifted his weight and Fang flopped back on the bed and began to pick at the loose threads on the bedspread. 

"what kind of things? Jeb?" Iggy asked. His cloudy blue eyes filled with curiosity, even if Max didn't want to admit it she was slightly curious. Jeb hardly ever called them into his room. Only if it was REALLY important. And usually it was just Max and Fang. So as to why Iggy was here she was eager to know. 

Jeb looked down at the 8 year old faces. All filled with, trust. But in Fangs case, sheer and utter boredom, but Fang was always like that. They were about to enter their teenage years and needed to know what was and wasn't acceptable. After all if they ever wanted to be part of society, they would know. 

"Now, you all know that men and women have different…parts. Right?" he asked. Fang looked up at Jeb, again looking bored. Max laid across Fangs stomach and he played with her hair. Taking comfort in the fact that these were the only hope for the flock he began to talk. 

"Well. These parts are used to…reproduce." He said with much difficulty. Who knew that this would be so hard! 

"You know what reproduce means don't you?" he asked, and watched in relief as the kids all nodded. At least he could get this done somewhat quicker. But he knew that at some point he would have to find a way to keep them in the room to hear it all out.

"It means to make babies," Max popped in, "but we don't know how that works." Iggy finished. They looked up at him. and he gulped. Now Jeb was not a very nervous man, he could talk to the director under threat of death. But giving three kids 'the talk' yeah right! 

"Well that's kind of what I'm here to tell you. Now listen to me, you may not like hearing this, but you need to know." Max's head cocked to the side, and Fang wrapped his arms around her waist in a hug, holding her to him. Jeb watched with fascination, but soon shook out of it and continued on with his task. 

"You see…" and he began to explain how a man…uhmm well yeah. But the moment Max heard that this was where the baby was going to come out, she jumped up screaming. She ran out of the r room tearing open the door and running out to the living room, Nudge and Angel looked up curiously from there Barbie dolls. 

"Max? What's wrong?" Nudge called as Max ran away from Jeb who was chasing her around the living room, trying to coral her back into his room. 

"NO! Get away from me!" Max screamed as she dug her heels into the thick carpet, with Jeb trying to haul her back into the room. Finally Max fell and he was able to get her back into the room. Exhausted and wary of the task a head of him. 

"Any way…" he said. when Fang heard about breasts…he jumped out of the bed and ran away his eyes frozen wide and his mouth open in a silent scream. 

"NOOO! Not the lumpy things!" he screamed. And Max burst out laughing. Now she saw why Iggy had laughed. This was funny! And once again jeb chased an eight year old bird kid down the hall and up the stairs, finally running into a wall as Fang did a sharp U-turn and ran back down the upstairs hallway and dove into his room, tightly locking the door. 

"Fang, will you open the door, I need to finish talking to you. All of you." Jeb gasped. Inside you could hear Fang wail in fear. He REALLY didn't want to go back down stairs. But after countless threats from Max, and promise of pancakes from Iggy he finally came back to Jeb's room and listened to the former scientist. 

"Now…" Jeb continued with his hopeless task. The talk lasted maybe 6 extra minutes. After that, it all went down hill…again. And this time it was just too funny…

"Wait-wait-wait, you mean…" Iggy waited for Jeb to confirm, then leaped from the bed and ran out the door, He never saw that kitchen table coming…Iggy's legs slammed into the table and he vaulted over it, landing face first on the kitchen table, his legs still leaning on the edge of the table. "Ow…" The blind boy groaned. 

"well I give up, you can all go…" Jeb's sentence faded away and left the silence ringing. But suddenly three cheers rose up from the eight year olds as they ran from the house to go play and hopefully forget some of this horrible day…

End of flashback. 

"Yes, unfortunately I do. And that is exactly why we have to do this. Today." Max, flicked some hair out of her face, and looked closely at Fang. He finally sighed and let his head roll back.

"Fine! Fine, you win!" Max smiled and grabbed his hand tugging him back over to where the kids and Iggy stood waiting. But Fang knew that this would be hell on earth.

"Okay so…"


End file.
